Limbo

First of all, welcome to any ICLW'ers. A little about me: I am 31 and I work in Human Resources for a large healthcare company. D is 36, and he is an IT Consultant. He works from home when he's not at a client site. We have been married a little over 2 years. We have 2 fur-babies, Jack and Roxy, who are our whole life. Boy, they are going to need some adjusting when a baby FINALLY comes along! We both like sports, working out, live music, and unfortunately I love wine! :-)

D and I have been TTC since June '08. I have never recieved a BFP, although we don't really have a diagnosis of anything! Frustrating. SA good, HSG clear, etc. My RE doesn't really believe in doing LAPs since there isn't an apparent reason, and insurance doesn't cover it. So I really don't know what is going on in there! Oh, and I have regular periods.

So. This cycle. (my first Follistim/IUI cycle for any newbies). I am on CD28 today. This is the day AF usually arrives. I took an HPT yesterday. BFN. However, I have been very crampy, which normally signals the start of AF, yet she is not here. I was *sure* she had arrived yesterday in Target. I was also *sure* in the middle of the night last night, and again this AM. Nope and nope. So I am just hanging out. I guess I will test tomorrow again if no AF.

I don't feel sick, I don't feel extra tired. I just feel bloated and crampy. Weird. So that is my story. If AF is going to arrive, I'd like to go ahead and move this along so we can put this costly cycle behind us! Then the next step would be to decide whether we are going to do 1 more IUI or move on to IVF. A follistim cycles costs us $2000+, and that just doesn't seem very cost effective to me. But I won't put the cart before the horse...er something.

**Andrew Bird

So Easy for Some

So I have a co-worker I may have made mention to before. She has a 1.5 year old, with whom she became pregnant on the first month. This past spring, she tried for a 2nd, and again, became PG the first month, although she did m/c. Now, I learned today at work, she is 12 weeks pregnant, again from the FIRST TRY.

Now I am actually happy for her; I have long since gotten over the fact that D and I are simply not a "first try" couple, and obviously, they are. But man, I just find it so hard to believe that each couple only has a 25% chance of conceiving each month. Obviously for some couples that percantage has to be higher. And obviously for most of us around these blog parts, much lower. It just kind of blows my mind that for the vast majoriy of couples I know, it happend with only 1 month of trying. That seems ludicrous to me after all these failed cycles. My failed cycles probably seem ludicrous to them!

Anyway, moving along. I know you all have "first try" couples in your lives too. Luckly, as I've mentioned before, I don't have to deal with it all that often.

So the bloating is still present, and I do still have some cramping on and off. That is about it. That really doesn't seem like much, but I am still about 5 days away from the end of the 2ww. I have no idea if most people experience more at this point, and I'm trying not to think too much about it.

I get to have a work dept "team building" (read extended happy hour) tomorrow afternoon on the shores of the lake, with beautiful weather expected. There will be much beer consumed. I plan to have 1 or 2. After all these failed cycles, I have to assume I'm not pregnant until proven otherwise in order to save my sanity! I hope that doesn't make me a bad TTC'er.

Death by Bloating

So the bloating is back in full force. I took this picture late this afternoon. I realize you haven't had the um....pleasure (right!) of seeing my non-bloated stomach, but I can assure you it doesn't look like that. I am a very healthy eater and try to work out a lot...(i.e. am obsessed), so I felt like a water buffalo today! Very uncomfortable!

Now who knows WTH this means, but I do know of a fellow ART'er who said when she got her BFP with injectibles/IUI, she had bloating badly right after the trigger, then it went away and came back again. I assume it could be very common though and mean exactly nothing.

I was also very weepy this AM; I was actually SOBBING reading about Patrick Swayze. Now, I am as Swayze Crazy as the next girl, but come on! Good thing I was at home. Yikes.

That is about all I have to report at this point. I have been on some form of IF meds since January, so I don't even remember what's it like to have a "normal" cycle with "normal" symptoms. I try not too read too much into anything anymore.

I am trying to be as relaxed and stress free as possible though. I had one of the best massages of my life today. He had big hands and was man-handling me! Hehe. Yes, please.

**Joe Purdy

Still Waiting

Nothing exciting to report. I am not yet at 7dpIUI, so I don't really know if it's really too early to have any symptoms. My acupuncturist told me implantation can take up to 7 days. I am not nearly as bloated as I was, so I'm guessing that was due to the meds in my system, and they are making their way out.

I have been feeling fairly crampy, but I can't say that is anything really astounding or something I haven't felt before. All in all, I am guessing it's just too soon. I don't like waiting!

Oh, well, at least we can pretend during the 2ww that our lives our fairly normal. The bruises on my stomach are almost completely faded now!

Had a good weekend watching the Iron Man, having brunch, and going to the Farmer's Market. The weather here continues to be astounding. Hopefully that isn't a sign for an early and rough winter!

Say What? - Update***

So last night my stomach was out of control bloated; I was so uncomfortable and seriously looked about 4 months pregnant. I didn't think I could wear my regular pants to work today. Good thing it's still warm enough for a knit skirt!

Even though Dr. P told me at my last appt that both of these things were normal, I was so uncomfortable that I thought it was worth an email just to let her know. She responded immediately by calling me. I basically recapped my email, and she said "well, you are probably that bloated because you are pregnant. Now, obviously I can't promise that, but I have seen this before at this stage in other patients". Um, 'at this stage'? I had my IUI YESTERDAY! Did she forget that? I really was in shock and didn't feel like arguing with her, so I didn't press it. What I wanted to say was "um, do you think I am someone else??" Jennifer is an awfully common name. Dude. Why would she even say that?????? I feel like getting my hopes up is a really dangerous thing. Maybe a little positive energy will work wonders though.

And I didn't drink any caffeine today! Decaf all the way for this girl. I thought I would get a huge headache, but I guess the 1/2 caf has been a good step-down. Anything to help this along.

And so we wait.

**udpate; so I conversed further with Dr. P via email earlier today, and she confirmed that yes, she really did mean 1dpIUI for bloating being a sign of a "chemical change" she has seen lead to implantation/pregnancy. So at least she wasn't thinking of another Jennifer :). I must say though, the bloating isnt't nearly as bad as it was, but it's not completely better either. Trying not to get my hopes up.

And We Wait

Well, everything is complete for this cycle, and it's time to play the 2ww game again. Whee! D had good sperm count #s today, and the IUI went off without a hitch. I just now remembered to tell Dr. P about the herbs my acupunturist has me taking. Yeah...she wasn't so into that idea. She said they can interfere with other drugs and make them less effective. *SIGH*. Good thing I spend $75 on that bottle of random gray powder! Oh well, lesson learned.

I am glad to have a couple weeks w/out any meds again. Maybe my body can calm down a bit. I am extremely bloated right now. I have IBS to begin with, and Dr. P said these meds can exacerbate that. Great! I have also gained 10 lbs in the last 9-10 months, which I just discovered today. I have been too afraid to weigh myself lately. I could tell it wasn't going to be pretty. She did tell me I needed to gain some weight initially (5 lbs), but this is getting out of control! I really don't want to have to buy bigger clothes unless there is a baby in there!

**Brandi Carlile

Hurry Up and Wait

The 2ww. Again. This one's definitely different though. With the cancelled IUIs, the very late O, and only 1 chance to BD with D, I am well aware that our chances are slim to none this month. It certainly helps with the anxious unknown of a typical 2ww, but it's hard to think of any month as "wasted". I am continuing the acupuncture once a week, and also the Chinese herbs twice each day. My acupunturist actually seems to know quite a lot about fertility, and for that I am grateful. In fact, she seems to know more than the OB/GYNs I have seen! Doh.

I have my next consult of sorts with my RE next Tuesday. I can't wait. I really want to pin her down for what our best options are and form a plan. I'm guessing injectibles are in our future.

In other news (not really), I went to a fun dinner party on Saturday night and had TWO whole glasses of wine (oh the horror!). There goes my fertility, right out the window. OH WAIT.
I am also stoked Project Runway and Top Chef are back on....cuz I have no life!!

**Kings of Leon

Waiting Again

The 2WW. Ugh. I am forced to assume that I am not pregnant every month. I just can't deal with getting my hopes up month after month. So I'm going with the theory that I'm not pregnant until proven otherwise. I really am convinced that when I do become pregnant, I will be able to tell. I know some people would argue otherwise, esp since I've never been pregnant and won't necessary be able to distinguish the symptoms from the similar symptoms that are present due to the high progesterone. But I really do think I would be able to tell. Especially by today, D25. I actually felt kind of dizzy and queasy earlier in the week, but that seems to have gone by the wayside, which I will assume it not a good sign.

So I wait.