So my u/s is scheduled for 3/16. It seems impossible to wait that long to know what is going on there. To see the heartbeat and have a "head count". Yes, the nurse used the term head count! EEEK.
I know my last post came off sounding very ungrateful and likely very annoying. I didn't mean to come across that way. I am just scared. My infertility history has always made me feel I was very "broken", and that our successful cycle last time was nothing except pure luck. I have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that body actually did what it was supposed to....because that's just not what it does. MS coupled with infertility makes me feel like I've been through the ringer sometimes. It makes it hard for me to have proper perspective at times. The MS has been flaring up lately, something that simply scares the shit out of me, as the future is unknown. That is more what I was thinking about with the comment about bad timing. It chose a bad time to rear its ugly head, and that is nothing I can control, unfortunately.
I'm not sure why I'm feeling the need to justify my feelings on here, but I think it's helping me work through them just to write it out. Plus, I would hate to be an insensitive dick. I realize some people would give a lot to be in this position.
Perspective is a powerful thing. I'm watching the movie 50/50 right now. Perspective.
3 comments:
You are not insensitive. You are scared, excited, nervous, worried, hopeful -- all mixed into one. And that is perfectly understandable. I know I have multiples, but you will in NO way offend me by talking about being scared of that happening. It is scary and hard. And even just being pregnant with one has its fears and worries as well as its joys. And on top of that you are worrying about your MS which is a whole other thing in and of itself. So please know we are all here to listen to you and support you no matter what happens. This is your blog, your space to vent and to rejoice and everything in between. *hugs*
I actually understand. I was really excited to be pregnant again after only doing one IUI, since it took forever the first time. But then the fear of multiples started taking over, and I had a hard time for awhile. I felt like I would have rather not gotten pregnant at all if my other option was being pregnant with triplets or more. I felt awful for feeling that way, but it was how I really felt.
It really sucks waiting so long for your ultrasound - I get that too! Your greatest chance here is being pregnant with just one baby. You have maybe a 15% chance of twins, and a 1% chance of higher order multiples. Try to remember that.
Don't read too much into your numbers. They're just numbers. My betas with singletons were higher than every other twin momma I know. And my 14DPO beta was the same as the Quad Mama. Just ignore the numbers, because they mean very little. In 3 weeks everything will be revealed! And I'm sure you're not having more than two.
the wait for that first ultrasound is SO LONG. I begged for one at 5 weeks with my 3rd (and first successful) pregnancy and I'll probably do it again to make sure it's not ectopic. Feel free to vent - this is your blog. It's understandable to be scared, obviously you are thrilled, but that doesn't mean it's easy.
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